Whom do we get married for?
My parents want me to get married. Its for the emotional security in life. We need the company of the opposite sex. As much we think, most of our problems arise only because of the presence of members the opposite sex, we also know that we cannot be without the company of them. They are ones whom we cannot live with, and also whom we cannot live without. Strange eh!!
I am going to embark on a rambling session now. Just talk aloud, write out rather, about what I think of marriage and what it stands for and such stuff. Having done my undergraduate degree in Sociology (which is the study of society) I have no reservations talking openly about sex. Lets face it, we are not children anymore (errr... how old are you, reader?). Sex is not a taboo topic anymore. I know as much as about it as you do(that is said to no one in particular). So, lets just catch the bull by its horns wherever necessary. If you can’t take such blatant talk, stop reading right here.
What do we get married for? Apart from many other things, the two most important and long-term reasons would be companionship and sex. We need the company of members of the opposite sex. It is a biological need to want to talk to someone of the opposite sex. Am sure all of us would sink into some form of depression or oppression if we were always talking only to people of our own sex. We get married for the emotional support that the other can provide for us. The feeling that someone is always there for us and is going to stick with us through thick and thin is a big source of stability for any ordinary human being. It is debatable from the point of view that we don’t have to get married to have a companion. We can always have close friends whose company we are always guarantee. Becoming one’s spouse puts us in a slot where certain issues cannot be discussed with us and certain things cannot be shared with us. Men and women are different, they don’t have to understand and accept things the same way. That’s why a man and woman make a whole – they are complementary to each other. Ok, I’ll give it to you that you don’t have to get married for the companionship. If there is a (wo)man who is willing to commit all his time for you then its fine, don’t marry.
Coming to the controversial part of this piece of writing, we get married for sex. This part is purely my take on the topic. If people disagree with me then feel free to fill your three pages with what you think. Sex is something that every normal human feels. It is an urge that starts off earlier in today’s generation (translates into my generation) than in the previous generations (namely our parents’ generation). Lets not go into the biological aspects of why we feel the urge earlier than the previous generation. This is a piece of writing on what I think and I don’t think along biological lines. To satisfy this sexual urge we marry. Marriage is a license for sex. It entrusts you with a responsibility for whatever happens as a consequence of sex, namely pregnancy. It is a kind of regulation in society so that men feel responsible for the woman they sleep with. They take care of her. We don’t want men fooling around with any number of women just because he isn’t the one to face the music after the ‘act’. We want women respected. Women are the ones who lay the golden egg for the perpetuation of the human race. This doesn’t mean that men are always irresponsible. There are some few desperados who spoil the reputation of the entire male species. I do agree that there are men who are responsible enough to use preventive measures when involving themselves with a woman whom they are not married to. A man and a woman are expected to marry so that one doesn’t dump the other when they find someone more interesting, more importantly, so that the man doesn’t dump the woman. All said and done, the man is physically tougher and he can do better in being the breadwinner than the woman. So men are bound to the woman by this bond of marriage so that there is a commitment between them, they don’t dump each other and it is imposed upon them that the whole society knows of this commitment so they can involve in any corrective action that may be required on either’s part.
It has come to a stage where the idea of marriage starts weighing down on one’s mind. It’s a scary prospect to have to spend their whole life with someone. The decision of wanting to be with someone might be correct but the idea of marriage is somehow jinxed. I have a solution for this marriage-blues. Why don’t you try living with someone? I am absolutely fine with that idea. I think that people can live together if they have the maturity to form a firm commitment between themselves that they stick together for life and not stray. If you have the strength of mind and resolve that you will not stray and if your partner has the confidence in you that you will not stray, you are fit enough to be in a live-in relationship (let us call that LIR in short). At one point I was quite kicked by this idea of an LIR, I was quite open to trying it out. Ofcourse, people don’t get into LIRs just because they want to have sex with someone for a short while and then move out when the fun comes to a close. I am not talking about them as fit for LIRs. It’s the same as a marital relationship but just that you don’t think it necessary for the society to recognise your relationship as you both have the maturity, strength of mind and resolve to build a relationship based on some not-very-concrete foundation. Its just an unsaid understanding afterall!
This doesn’t mean I approve of LIRs always. There are certain cultures where this idea will gel and certain cultures where it won’t. In a sex-starved culture like ours (reads India) LIRs is a bad idea. Men will have all tendencies of taking advantage of it. The Western cultures (as an anthropologist I deserve to be hanged for using such a generalised term) are not as sex starved as us. Premarital sex is not a big deal. Here jaws still drop at the mere mention of the issue. People have had sex even when they are in their teens. It is seen more as a basic need than as something scandalous as is seen here (NOTE: ‘here’ always means India). People find the idea agreeable to that they stay with someone and remain loyal to them inspite of the absence of the binding factor called marriage. It’s a bad idea here as men and women from the beginning are brought up with these ‘values’ drilled into their heads that you always sleep with just one person through out your life. Who doesn’t want to experiment?? They stray.
Let me seal this sound-board kind of talk here and say that I am not against the idea of LIRs. It is not a good idea for people from an asian culture which have similar ‘values’ (I can see the noose being prepared to hang me for generalising again) to get involved in this kind of thing. In an asian culture those who may not stray may be those who are bound to a faith, and those who are bound to a faith will not remain unmarried when having a relationship with a woman. It is an absolutely acceptable idea in the Western countries.
There is nothing called right or wrong. The situation and environment decides if its right or wrong. Drinking is acceptable in a place where its freezing cold and drinking is a way to keep yourself warm and hence help in survival. Its only worthy of disapproval in a warm country where people get drunk everyday for no rhyme or reason. This is the difference between what decides the right and wrong. That is why LIRs are looked down upon here in India while not so in the west. I can maybe even launch off on a discussion as to how evolved our culture is when compared to the western cultures, that they thrive on an uncertainty hence don’t get married – they avoid getting married as they are uncertain as to whether they really want to stick together for life. In our culture, we accept the uncertainty of whether the right or not and go ahead and commit for life. But for kicks (though I do not have the time now) I wouldn’t mind giving an LIR a shot.
Nothing about this piece of writing is to be shared with anyone else (i.e. dont tell anyone I wrote this). If it was found scandalous by the reader, please seat yourself and take a few deep breaths till you will get over the scandalised feeling. I just told you what I felt, it is not meant to be advertised. I don’t want you to ‘help’ me in any way just because I want to do something for the heck of it. Please, this is only for reading, thinking and forgetting.
Cheers!
No comments:
Post a Comment